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The Golden Girls: A Millennial Primer

February 13th, 2017 by Martin Moakler Social Community Manager

On this illustrious Galentine’s Day, classic ‘80s sitcom The Golden Girls returns in all its pastel glory to Hulu. Picture it: four hilarious senior ladies with dead and ex-husbands who didn’t yet have Facebook to harass their adult kids, so they spent their time dating, laughing, exchanging insults, and eating cheesecake. But how do the lives of these grandmas apply to the Millennial-on-the-Go? Since there is nary a text or a cell phone in the series, their world may seem alien, so we’ve put together this Golden Girls 101 so you can jump right in and watch all 180 episodes starting today.

Dorothy Zbornak: Acid-tongued substitute teacher from Brooklyn, who moved into the house after her husband left her for a younger woman. In terms of other sitcom foursomes, she would be a Carrie or a Hannah, but let’s be clear: she would totally make them cry.

Blanche Devereaux: The epitome of Southern Belle, this merry widow owns the house where the girls frequently hear about her libidinous exploits, both past and present. Think of her as a Samantha or a Marnie, whose men Blanche would no doubt seduce.

Rose Nylund: A grief counselor who moved from Minnesota to Miami after the death of her husband, this trusting and gullible naïf looks at the world through dumb-colored glasses and describes it with a gefuhrkenurk stable of Norwegian words. Think of her as Charlotte or Shoshana as a child. Also, we made up the word gefuhrkenurk.

Sophia Petrillo: Sicilian immigrant and mother to Dorothy, a stroke left her without the filters of polite society. With wisdom and apt insults in spades, she is both mother figure and rebellious teen of the group. She’s like the Jessa of the group, but she also alternates between the Miranda and Magda.

Miami: 1980s playground of swinging senior citizens and Don Johnson. Miami’s got style… Blue sky, sunshine, white sand by the mile. Think of it as a Southern New York.

Stan: Dorothy’s ex-husband, identified by his bad toupee and worse catchphrase, “Hi. It’s me, Stan.” He’s the Mister Big and Adam of the group. He’s also a yutz.

Shady Pines: The retirement home of terror which burned down, enabling Sophia to move in with Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose. In the realm of other foursome sitcoms, think of it as Staten Island.

Picture It: How Sophia conjures up a location and era before imparting the wisdom of her experience.

Back in St. Olaf: How Rose begins any story about her simple and bewildering hometown of St. Olaf, Minnesota.

Cheesecake: Ambrosial pastry with which all of life’s problems can be solved at the kitchen table.

The Rusty Anchor: Watering hole and pickup spot where the girls can find available suitors with dead wives and all their hair.

Lanai: It’s just a patio. That’s all.

All 180 episodes of The Golden Girls are now streaming on Hulu. Thank you for being a friend who watches it.

“SNL” TOTAL RECAP: ALEC BALDWIN HOSTS WITH MUSICAL GUEST ED SHEERAN

February 12th, 2017 by Liz Brown

Alec Baldwin set the record for the most times hosting “Saturday Night Live” this weekend with his 17th appearance at the helm of the show. One might think that after 16 appearances, Baldwin might have run out of steam. One would be wrong.

Check out a complete recap of the episode below.

*Warning: Complete spoilers of the episode follow*

SEAN SPICER COLD OPEN

Melissa McCarthy’s impression of President Trump’s rageaholic press secretary was such a hit last week, she was back for this week’s cold open with even more ire — and a gargantuan stick of gum. In what was, no doubt, a nose thumbing at rumors that Trump was upset his press secretary was played by a woman, “SNL” also brought in Kate McKinnon to play newly confirmed Attorney General Jeff Sessions.

And after last week’s viral hashtag #RadicalMooseLambs, McCarthy’s Spicer busted out the dollies again to explain how threatening travelers who look like Disney’s Moana get treated by airport security. And props to the propmasters who propped up Spicer’s podium onto a hoverboard this week so McCarthy could attack the press pool in a speedier and more intimidating manner.

ALEC BALDWIN’S 17TH MONOLOGUE

How do you make your “SNL” monologue fresh when you’re hosting the show for the 17th time? You keep it simple and just make fun of yourself. For Baldwin’s record-breaking 17th monologue, he was joined on stage by 23-year-old cast member Pete Davidson who wasn’t even born the first time that Baldwin hosted. Davidson proceeded to express shock and awe as he and Baldwin looked back at photos of Baldwin’s early hosting years and Davidson pointed out how handsome Baldwin was in his younger days while he now looks like someone “who’s been soaking in water for 23 years.”

RUSSELL STOVER

This week’s amazing commercial parody featured the classic candy company supplementing their usual Valentine’s Day heart-shaped box full of candies with a super uncomfortable and entirely inappropriate Black History Month box of chocolates. The assortment of candies were molded into the faces of heroic figures from black history including the Martin Luther King, Jr. “I Have a Cream.”

PITCH MEETING

This sketch took aim at this year’s intensely politicized Super Bowl commercials, with two advertising teams battling it out to pitch their big game campaigns for Cheetos. One team went all in by sharing an ad that was a triumphant tale of illegal immigration a la the 84 Lumber commercial. They also proposed a version with a transgender Chester the Cheetah. We gotta admit we’d like to see that.

JAKE TAPPER

Kate McKinnon returned as the CNN-spurned Kellyanne Conway in this “Fatal Attraction” parody that had Conway stalking Jake Tapper, begging to be let back on air after being banned for fabricating “The Bowling Green Massacre.” She’s not gonna be IGNORED, you guys.

DRILL SERGEANT

Alec Baldwin played a ruthless drill sergeant screaming at new recruits, except for one who just happens to be his big handsome son (played by Mikey Day). Baldwin can’t help but whisper encouraging comments to his progeny in between insults flung at the other young soldiers, and it’s as awkward as your mom waving at you from the sidelines on your first day of high school football practice.

ED SHEERAN PERFORMS “SHAPE OF YOU”

Nothing controversial about this performance of Sheeran’s new single “Shape of You.” We love a soulful ballad from the 25-year-old pop star, but it was nice to see him rocking out to something we could dance to.

WEEKEND UPDATE

Colin Jost and Michael Che sat back and kept letting the Trump administration do their work for them.

Our favorite joke from Che this week referred to Trump’s proclamation to the judges who slapped down his immigration ban, saying “I’ll see you in court!” Che joked:

“Trump’s the guy who gets his ass kicked in an alley and then screams ‘Let’s take this outside!’”

And on the confirmation of the controversial Jeff Sessions as Attorney General this week, Colin Jost said:

“The Senate voted Wednesday to confirm Jeff Sessions as our new Confederate general. Sorry, Attorney General.”

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UPDATE GUEST: ELIZABETH WARREN

Apparently, there’s no member of the current political establishment that Kate McKinnon can’t imitate. This time, she took on Senator Elizabeth Warren who was silenced on the floor of the Senate this week, and yes, she persisted.

UPDATE GUEST: GUY WHO JUST BOUGHT A BOAT

This is the first update segment we’ve seen from this year’s new cast member Alex Moffat, playing a “guy who just bought a boat.” He launches into three minutes of hilariously nauseating terminology about his Totes McGotes awesome lifestyle in a segment that has us hoping his yacht ends up lost at sea.

UPDATE GUESTS: GREG AND SHELLEY DUNCAN

Mikey Day and Leslie Jones guest star as a couple who have been experimenting with “50 Shades of Grey” style lovemaking in the bedroom, and it looks like Greg has been taking on the submissive role pretty hard due to his clearly visible injuries.

TRUMP PEOPLE’S COURT

Of course, “SNL” couldn’t let Baldwin get through an episode without performing at least one sketch as Donald Trump. In this segment, he takes his battle with the 9th District Circuit Court to the lowest court in the land—The People’s Court. And yes, he loses again.

BEYONCE’S BABIES

It’s all about the guest appearances on “SNL” these days and alum Tracy Morgan popped up in this sketch as one of Beyonce’s fetal twins in the womb along with Kenan Thompson. Morgan dropped a hilarious “Destiny’s Child” diss saying that Beyonce should have no problem carrying twins since she spent 10 years carrying two grown women named Michelle and Kelly.

LESLIE WANTS TO PLAY TRUMP

In this digital short, Leslie Jones reveals that it’s been her dream to step in for Alec Baldwin in the role of our 45th president. The segment features Jones having a meltdown in creator Lorne Michaels’s office, being kicked out of 30 Rock, and then being swept away by Melania in a stretch limo. We can’t wait to see what kind of tweet this inspires.

ED SHEERAN PERFORMS “CASTLE ON THE HILL”
We loved Sheeran’s upbeat acoustic pop-rock blends this week, proving that he’s more than just a guy who writes dreamy ballads for us to slow dance to at homecoming.

GYM CLASS
“SNL” ended the night with a sketch more appropriate for a junior high school comedy show than the longest running late night comedy show on TV. It was about kids taking the annual fitness test in gym class, with one student trying to break the school record, except that when he does his sit ups, he farts. Loudly. That’s it. It’s just…a farting during sit-ups sketch. Yup. Just farting. The end.

TOTAL RECAP: “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE” STARRING KRISTEN STEWART WITH MUSICAL GUEST ALESSIA CARA

February 5th, 2017 by Liz Brown

This week’s episode of “SNL” was heavy on political commentary, with a handful of goofy concept sketches thrown into the mix for a little balance. The long-running late night comedy show proved they’ll be pulling no punches when it comes to President Trump’s administration, and they’re coming at him from every angle they can find, including inviting special guest Melissa McCarthy to step in with a groundbreaking impression of Press Secretary Sean Spicer. Check out a complete recap of the episode below.

*Warning: Full spoilers for the episode below*

OVAL OFFICE COLD OPEN

Alec Baldwin is hosting “SNL” next week, but still showed up this week to play President Trump because there was just too much material to work with. In this segment, Trump called world leaders, trashed them and their homelands, and threatened to start wars with each and every one of them.

His call to the Australian President concluded with him shouting: “No refugees! America first! Australia sucks! Your reef is failing! Prepare to go to war!”

His call to Germany’s Angela Merkel (who is clearly desperately yearning for Obama) featured the line: “Last week was Holocaust Remembrance Day, and as you know 6 million people were at my inauguration.”

He did all this with Steve Bannon—an unidentified “SNL” cast member dressed as the Grim Reaper—standing over his shoulder and egging him on. We can’t even wrap our minds around what’s going to go on next week with Baldwin hosting the full show.

KRISTEN STEWART MONOLOGUE

Stewart took the stage and opened by saying that she was there to promote her movie “Twilight” which has been available on iTunes for the last eight years. Then, she launched into ripping President Trump for the 11 tweets he posted a few years back about her breakup with then boyfriend Robert Pattinson.

“I don’t think Donald Trump hated me,” said Stewart. “I think he was in love with my boyfriend.”
Then she imagined Trump’s ire for her will likely continue because: “I’m hosting SNL and I’m like SO GAY, dude.”

She topped off her monologue by pulling a Jenny Slate and dropping the f-bomb, saying that hosting “SNL” is “the coolest f—ing thing I’ve ever done.”

WELCOME VIDEO

The Trump administration ridicule continued with this digital short called “Welcome Video,” which was a re-edited version of the video people see when their arriving at a U.S. airport from another country. Like, HEAVILY re-edited, with an expanded list of the all-new procedures people will have to go through to get in the country and prove they’re not Muslim, including blood samples, stool samples, and full-on eating a hot dog in front of security.

DRY FRIDAYS

“SNL” took a breather from politics for this sketch about a group of students from UConn who were now required to participate in “Dry Fridays” because they’d been busted drinking in their dorms. Everyone had pretty normal stories about embarrassing moments they’d gone through while drunk, except Kristen Stewart’s character whose behavior went way too far, including getting a “No-Hawk” (a reverse Mohawk), pounding 40 beers, getting naked, grabbing a chainsaw, and cutting down 35 pine trees.

TOTINOS WITH KRISTEN STEWART

We’ve been in love with Vanessa Bayer’s Super Bowl Totino’s Pizza Rolls commercial parodies for years and we were pretty sure she couldn’t top herself, but we were wrong. This year’s commercial featured Bayer’s character finding her true love—a French woman named Sabine played by Kristen Stewart. Bayer and Stewart proceed to have a passionate affair in the kitchen behind that couch full of Big Game-watching “hungry guys.”

SEAN SPICER PRESS CONFERENCE

This was the sketch of the night.

Former host Melissa McCarthy stepped in as a special guest star to play White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, opening by screaming: “I DON’T TALK SO GOOD!”

We honestly don’t want to take a thing away from this sketch by recapping it. We just have two words: “Radical Mooselambs.” That’s it. Just watch.

ALESSIA CARA PERFORMS “SCARS TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL”

Cara’s first “SNL” performance was flawless—evocative, emotional, and beautifully performed.

WEEKEND UPDATE

Surprise, surprise. This week’s update dove headfirst into this week’s political controversies and kept on swimming the whole way through. A few of our favorite jokes included the following:

On Kellyanne Conway’s discussion of the “Bowling Green Massacre” (an event which never happened) on MSNBC this week, Colin Jost said: “In response, Congress launched an immediate investigation into Hillary Clinton’s role in the Bowling Green Massacre.”

On Trump’s controversial travel ban, Michael Che said: “We’re learning which Muslim countries are threats and which countries have Trump hotels.”

And in something a little more lighthearted and non-political, Colin Jost commented on a man busted for smuggling cocaine onto an airplane in three tuna cans by saying: “He faces 10 years in prison and the death penalty for bringing tuna onto an airplane.”’

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UPDATE GUEST: DAVID ORTIZ

Kenan Thompson reprised his role as Red Sox star David Ortiz, rooting for Super Bowl contenders the New England Patriots. This segment was basically just Thompson making fun of the beloved baseball star’s accent and announcing that he’ll be cooking a penguin as part of his personal Super Bowl feast.

CELEBRITY FAMILY FEUD SUPER BOWL EDITION

This sketch was a chance for the “SNL” cast to bring out their favorite impressions: Kate McKinnon as Justin Bieber, Leslie Jones as Samuel L. Jackson, Kenan Thompson as Steve Harvey and Alex Moffatt as Casey Affleck, who Thompson commented looked like “the first half of a commercial for antidepressants.”

MEET CUTE

This “Meet Cute” digital short was…cute. It starred Kristen Stewart and Pete Davidson as two people who have an instant chemical attraction when they meet at a coffee shop, agree to meet for dinner that night, but exchange no identifying details about each other and where they’re going to meet. What followed was a fairly funny sequence of Stewart prepping for her big night and Davidson desperately searching the city of Manhattan for a brown-haired girl named Claire.

ALESSIA CARA PERFORMS “RIVER OF TEARS”

Fine. We’ll admit it. “River of Tears” made us weepy. We’re not ashamed.

GOLDEN TICKET

The final sketch of the night was a take-off on Charlie and the Chocolate factory with Kristen Stewart playing Charlie who gets totally pissed off when she finds out her grandpa (Pete Davidson) hasn’t been crippled with polio all these years. He’s just old and didn’t feel like standing up. This one fell a little flat, but we’ll let it slide because this episode was so full of energy.

“SNL” returns live next week with Alec Baldwin hosting for a record 17th time and the return of musical guest Ed Sheeran.

This Week’s Best Late Night: Big Games, Big Nominees and Trump’s Second Week in Office

February 3rd, 2017 by Liz Brown

The late night comedians mixed things up a bit this week, splitting their focus between White House controversies and this weekend’s “big game.” We’ve cherry picked the best moments so you can be well-rested. We know you’ve got a big weekend of sitting on the couch watching football and eating chips ahead of you.

Check out this week’s best late night clips

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Puppies Predict the Super Bowl Winner

Fallon reminded us all that the most scientific way to predict any major sporting event outcome is puppies–small, fuzzy, kibble-crunching puppies. “The Tonight Show” odds makers released a gaggle of golden pooches on two bowls of food to determine who the clear winner will be in this weekend’s Super Bowl between the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons. See the results here:

Jimmy Kimmel Live – Lie Witness News: Supreme Court Justice Nominee Rob Kardashian

“JKL” took to the streets with the latest edition of their “Lie Witness News” segment, asking completely uninformed pedestrians for their thoughts on the completely false statement that reality star Rob Kardashian is President Trump’s Supreme Court Justice nominee. Seven people in a row responded with strong opinions about the assertion, one agreeing that Trump’s relationship with Blac Chyna could really help our relations with the country of China:

Late Night With Seth Meyers – Trump’s Chaotic Second Week in Office: A Closer Look

We can’t get enough of Meyers’s weekly breakdowns of the most bizarre goings-on in politics and pop culture. On Thursday night, he shed some light on Trump’s controversial immigration ban which isn’t a ban but does discriminate based on religion but totally doesn’t at all and explained how green card holders are totally unaffected by the new law except when they are. We’ll just let him explain it:

TOTAL RECAP: AZIZ ANSARI HOSTS “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE”

January 22nd, 2017 by Liz Brown

Aziz Ansari hosted “Saturday Night Live” for the first time with musical guest Big Sean following a tumultuous week that included the inauguration of President Donald Trump. The episode featured a pretty even mix of political content and regular old character sketches, but ended with a straight up tribute to Obama.

Warning: Spoilers for the complete episode below:

VLADIMIR PUTIN COLD OPEN

Alec Baldwin got a break from playing the newly elected President Trump this week, so Beck Bennett stepped in and gave a post-inaugural address as Russian President Vladimir Putin. Putin offered “comfort” to Americans who are upset by Trump’s election, letting them know he isn’t really in charge anyway–Putin is. He also offered Trump some advice on his exaggerated claims about the unprecedented number of attendees at his inauguration and suggested he make his proclamations sound slightly more realistic. “Say you’re friends with LeBron James, but don’t say you ARE Lebron James, Donald.”

Props to Kate McKinnon for playing a Russian woman who was “oh so very happy” with her life and then popped up behind Putin later in his speech with one of those very special pink hats from the Women’s March.

AZIZ ANSARI MONOLOGUE

We always love when a solid stand-up comedian takes on the “SNL” monologue. Ansari’s eight-minute set was all about Trump and the current volatile state of affairs in the U.S. following this hotly contested election. He referred to Trump as “the Chris Brown of politics.” He also addressed all those extremists who say now is the time for minorities to leave the U.S. by announcing: “Beyonce ain’t moving. I ain’t moving.” He ended by suggesting that Islamophobia could be completely cured if Muslims changed the music they’re praying to because for people unfamiliar with it, it just sounds like scary background music from “Homeland.”

BEAT THE BOOKWORM

Ansari played “The Bookworm” in this parody of one of our favorite old game shows “Win Ben Stein’s Money.” Ansari’s character was well versed in pretty much every topic you can read a book about, but got completely thrown off his game when the category “90s Pop Culture” came up.

LA LA LAND INTERROGATION

In this interrogation sketch, cops Cecily Strong and Beck Bennett interrogate Ansari for saying he thought “La La Land” wasn’t quite as brilliant as the critics said it was. They grilled Ansari on being the kind of sicko who couldn’t appreciate the beauty of this simple and moving story.

KELLYANNE CONWAY

Kate McKinnon reprised her role as Trump’s campaign manager and newly appointed White House advisor in this one. During an interview with Jake Tapper, she then spaces out into a fantasy sequence where she performs her own version of “Roxie” from the musical “Chicago”—except this time it’s “Conway.” In a sexy sparkling dress, surrounded by throngs of handsome men, she danced around and celebrated leaving her humdrum life behind and diving into the world of fame.

ATTORNEY AD

Lisa Broderick and Jeremy Ganz will fight for their clients’ rights. Except that Lisa seems to get her clients significantly more money than Jeremy does. It turns out Lisa is indebted to Jeremy because he gave her dad a kidney, and that’s how they fell into this unlikely partnership. That doesn’t help clients like Ansari much who actually had to pay more than he got from his settlement to just get Ganz to leave him alone.

BIG SEAN PERFORMS “BOUNCE BACK”

Big Sean performed his hit surrounded by what looked like the monoliths from “2001: A Space Odyssey” and fog. This was a brilliant performance that made us significantly less creeped out by the opening scene from the Kubrick movie.

WEEKEND UPDATE
This week, it was all jokes about Trump’s new administration, the inauguration, and the women’s march. The two best jokes of the segment came from Jost, who called the inauguration concert in front of the Lincoln Memorial “the second worst performance Lincoln has ever attended.”

Jost also pointed to Obama’s last press conference as President during which he said “I think it’s going to be OK” but then pointed out “It’s going to be OK” is what George told Lenny at the end of “Of Mice and Men.” If you’re unfamiliar with the Steinbeck classic, let’s just say things do NOT work out so well for Lenny. It makes us wish we had a comforting bunny to pet right now.

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UPDATE: LESLIE JONES DISCUSSES “HIDDEN FIGURES”

Jones returned to the update desk to talk about the breakout film hit “Hidden Figures” which tells the story of a group of black women who helped astronauts get back home from an Apollo mission. She said she almost didn’t watch it because she thought it was going to be “The Help in Space” but was glad she did because it highlighted unknown achievements by African Americans. She then hilariously went on to point out other under-celebrated achievements by black Americans, and, of course, referred to Jost as her “creamy slice of Provolone” cheese just to round out the piece.

UPDATE: JAKE ROCHECK

Mikey Day played Jake Rocheck in this segment, a heartbreaking figure who’s been relegated to “The Friend Zone” by his pretty friend Shannon. Rocheck talks about moving her into a new apartment, comforting her when she gets dumped by her loser boyfriends, and desperately trying to keep himself from sending her the letter he’s been composing for years professing his undying love for her. This bit spoke to anyone who can relate to being the shoulder to cry on when you’d rather be a whole lot more.

BEDROOM

In this sketch, Aziz Ansari tries to spice things up in the bedroom with his girlfriend played by Melissa Villasenor, but things get a little awkward when she brings up some issues Ansari is uncomfortable with—like his alcoholism and low pay. The role playing just got sadder and sadder as they tried to delve into some very unsexy “Daddy” talk and really awkward student-teacher situations.

FIVE STARS

In this digital short, an Uber driver and his passenger try to impress each other because they both have low star reviews. Their desperate attempts get increasingly awkward until they finally connect on a real level when they realize they both love “Black Mirror.” Of course, the driver then runs over his passenger with his car as he drives away. At least he got that five-star rating first.

PIZZA TOWN

Beck Bennett and Kenan Thompson play two cops busting a thug who’s hiding out at a Pizza Town restaurant after hours, but their bust keeps getting interrupted by the animatronic pizza-themed band on stage. We’ve seen this premise on “SNL” a few times before, but it was still pretty funny and that “I like that pizza, pizza” song is definitely going to be in our head all week.

BIG SEAN PERFORMS “SUNDAY MORNING JETPACK”

Big Sean slowed things down a little and performed his hit in which he “thanks God for all his setbacks” because of the person they made him now. The whole thing was so moving it made us want to run right out and make a gratitude list.

TO SIR WITH LOVE

“SNL” ended the night with Cecily Strong and Sasheer Zamata singing “To Sir With Love” to a photo of President Obama. It wasn’t funny, and was maybe even a little awkward because singing is not their strongest talent, but Obama fans will definitely appreciate the sentiment.

“SNL” is on break next week but will return live February 4th.